i am so sorry for being a pussy i am so sorry for being a selfish one i cant explain the fears in me its too overwhelming and i cant help it but to hold myself back i know you had been great i thank you for everything i feel bless and happy but i am sorry that i need to consider so much things for my ownself but its because i cant afford to be broken again i cant afford to see what i believe in  to vanish times and times again what i can do now is to keep a distance just in case anything ever happen it wouldnt be that bad and i do not want to be in a situation where im not giving my all best or whole thats not me and i will not want to mistreat you this badly this is the best i can give you right now im sorry for this huge wall thats around me its not on intention i just want to see if i can tear it down myself for you or if anyone else bothers to break it down for me thats all im sorry i know i can never be this close to anyone else anymore but i cant let my heart to give me away or give in i need to pull myself back and sad to say im strong enough to do it

i do not want to create or make things happen this year i do not want things to go my way anymore i just that things would fall in place the way it is and i will see how it goes

went band and headed to don's bbq i had like 3 bbq this week woooooo it was pretty exciting very loud fucking funny and seriously fucking damn dirty  lol CDS this month hopefully i will do my fucking best argh cant wait to get back into scene its fucking gonna be a showdown and i realise i always get beaten down by myself its so difficult for me to win my own self and i shall fucking take this bitch myself down lol hahahahahahahha

i had mega mac just now yaya fucking mega damn bloated now can die die die and fucking hyper can die want to sleep cannot hyper too hyper want to die  ah ah ah ah ah mega AH